Category: Non Euclidean Politics

  • Settlers

    US: (Slaps a map of the Middle East on the table, points a calloused finger at Israel) Hey you knuckleheads, gather ’round! This here’s how you tame the wild frontier, see? Ain’t no sugar-coating it, that’s how a land gets settled This here’s how you get yourself a piece of the pie, see? None of that…

  • Grand Apartheid

    A concrete jungle, pulsing, throbbing with white prosperity, stretched across the stolen land. But the white control freaks,twitchy and paranoid, couldn’t stomach the black presence. It was a virus in their sterile system. So the grand scheme,hatched in smoke-filled rooms thick with fear and ideology, began to crawl. A fever dream of segregation, a cartographer of hate redrawing the map with bulldozer blades.…

  • Revisiting Vietnam

    Research Grant Proposal: Revisiting Vietnam: Exploring the Parapsychological Labyrinth of a Humphrey Triumph Over Nixon, Impeded by Kaleidoscopic Counterculture and Fellow Travelers in the Fog Authored by: Mortimer M. Muddle Sponsored by: Abstract: The specter of Vietnam looms large in the American psyche. This proposal seeks to revisit that pivotal moment in history, venturing into the…

  • Manufacturing Agnosis

    This is precisely the obscene dialectic of ideology at its purest! Antistablishtan, much like Big Tobacco, thrives on the underside of belief—not a direct affirmation of an idea but the strategic injection of doubt to corrode the solidity of any competing narrative. It is not enough to sell a product; you must first create the…

  • Fear and Loathing in the Ministry of Truth

    There is no greater sin in the Church of the Perpetual Grift than reading Orwell and understanding him. That would be heresy—worse than treason, worse than tax increases. No, the only proper way to digest 1984 is to rip it apart like a rabid dog tearing through a steak wrapped in government bonds, chewing up…

  • ZIRP Personality

    What If Your Whole Personality Depended on Low Interest Rates? Worse—what if your entire social circle, your ideological shtick, your sense of meaning, was just a byproduct of a SoftBank write-down? That’s the uncomfortable reality a lot of people are facing right now. We’ve spent the last decade living inside a simulation powered by cheap…

  • “Everything Is Fine, Except When It Isn’t”: The Ideological Catastrophe of False Equivalence

    In the image before us, we encounter a political compass that deftly captures the underlying absurdities of our contemporary ideological landscape. Each quadrant satirically reduces the moral and political concerns of a particular ideological position to a singular, paradoxical statement: everything is framed as a dire issue except for the most egregious examples of that…

  • The Steroidal Abstraction

    In the contemporary landscape of intellectual discourse, a peculiar phenomenon has emerged: abstractions, once lean and limber, are now excessively pumped up, their muscles bulging with the aid of intellectual steroids. The modern theorist, driven by the insatiable hunger for recognition and authority, has resorted to augmenting their conceptual frameworks to the point of grotesque…

  • End of History Tinpots and the Last Man

    In the flickering neon wasteland of the Post-Ideological, the Berlin Wall, a concrete scar on the face of time, crumbled like a thousand roach motels, a crumbled ziggurat, became a playground for feral children. History, a rusted jalopy, sputtered its last, coughing out exhaust fumes of ideology. Liberal Democracy, a chrome-plated behemoth, rumbled across the…

  • The Ideology of Ideology Denial

    In contemporary discourse, we are increasingly confronted with a peculiar phenomenon: the denial of ideology in the very moment of its most aggressive assertion. This paradox is most evident in the popular claim that certain political or economic positions are “devoid of ideology.” Such claims are not merely erroneous; they are symptomatic of a deeper…