Tag: Democrats

Autopsy

It was a spectacle of calculated chaos, the kind of grotesque carnival only modern American politics could conjure up. The New York Times, that towering cathedral of Establishment respectability, found itself fumbling with its maps like a drunk juggling road signs. The first map—a digital fever dream of small-dollar donations sprawling across the republic—painted an unsettling picture. Sanders’ grassroots army had swallowed the landscape like a wildfire. Their donations flowed like cheap whiskey at a VFW hall, drowning out every other candidate.

This was unacceptable, of course. The media mavens had a narrative to maintain, and Sanders’ tsunami of unwashed, idealistic fervor wasn’t it. So they made a new map. A cleaner one. A quieter one. One that didn’t include Sanders. Suddenly, the picture became palatable again—like swapping out a lurid Hieronymus Bosch for a soft-focus Norman Rockwell. The money was neatly redistributed among the chosen mediocrities: the “serious” candidates, the ones who wouldn’t rock the boat or upset the delicate ecosystem of cocktail-party circuit politics.

But the DNC wasn’t done yet. No, the fix had to go deeper. With the precision of a Vegas card shark, they worked their arcane rules and backroom deals to elevate not one but two of the least inspiring figures they could dredge up from their talent-starved bench. This was no accident; it was an act of pure cynicism. A calculated insult to democracy masquerading as strategy.

In one election, they handed the nomination to a stiff who could barely finish a sentence without stepping on his own shoelaces. In the next, they doubled down with someone whose charisma could be bottled and sold as a sedative. It was as though the Democratic Party had developed a perverse fetish for losers—propping up candidates so uninspiring they made a DMV waiting room seem electric by comparison.

And yet, the wheels of the machine kept turning. The pundits clapped like seals, the donors smiled through clenched teeth, and the voters were left holding their noses and pulling levers like prisoners in a Kafkaesque lottery. It was a system so warped, so grotesque, that only the truly insane could look at it and say, “Yes, this is democracy.”

Banana peel twice over moment for the Dems with their last-ditch attempt to defeat Bernie coming home to roost. Sad sorry-ass operation leaving us with Trump redux, which feels surreal. But that’s the absurd reality now—what could’ve been a reckoning for a failed system turned into the political equivalent of a three-ring circus with a tinpot dictator at the center. The Dems—still drunk on their neoliberal fantasies—did everything they could to kneecap the one guy who actually gave a damn about people, the guy who wasn’t afraid to throw punches at Wall Street, Big Pharma, and the whole rigged system. And here we are, left with a man who will give permission to corporations and banks to eat the world alive, all while grinning like a bulldog in a three-piece suit.

The Dems seem locked into this delusion, this desperate fantasy that they can just sit back and wait out the demands for real change, waiting for the next economic boom to somehow roll in and fix everything. They treat the issues Sanders raised—healthcare, living wages, housing—as if they’re optional add-ons to a system that maybe will take care of itself if we just leave it alone long enough. They’re convinced that another bubble will come, lift the economy, and make the demands for real reform vanish into thin air like a magic trick.

But here we are, still waiting for that “bounce back.” Still waiting for the economy to pull itself up by its bootstraps while the rest of us are watching the factory jobs disappear, our rents double, and our healthcare premiums rival the cost of a down payment on a house. It’s like they’re hoping for some economic miracle to save their asses, but all we’ve got is the same old tired song: “Just wait, just wait, the market will fix it all.” And yet, the market has never fixed anything. It’s only ever patched over the rot until the next crisis comes along.

Still waiting. Still waiting for that “bounce back.” But it’s obvious now: it’s not coming. And the longer the Dems stick to this fantasy, the deeper the hole they’re digging for themselves. Trump may be the symptom, but the disease is this profound refusal to face the future.

Look, the people—the disaffected, disenfranchised, and desperately ticked-off millions—were trying to send a message loud and clear. But the Democratic brain trust, the sanctimonious sages of the Party of Good Intentions, somehow misinterpreted it all. They thought they were putting a leash on fascism, but it turned out they were just muzzling themselves, eyes closed, hands over ears, la-la-la, while a political reality they refused to face bulldozed through their illusions.

Now here we are, as if in a cheap satire, where Trump and that square-jawed Vance kid—neither of whom have ever met a populist they didn’t want to keep at arm’s length—paid just enough lip service to anti-war sentiment and the working-class struggle that it landed. Turns out a hologram of populism, a cardboard cutout version, was still preferable to the Democrats’ corporate-speak. At least Trump dared to say, in his cowboy bluntness, that Americans should afford a house, a car, groceries. Meanwhile, Kamala Harris was out there with the “Opportunity Economy” claptrap, a slogan so stripped of substance it may as well have been lifted from a focus group in a Wall Street conference room.

And all these Democratic “geniuses” who thought they could outwit, outspin, and out-tactic Trump have now driven the country off a cliff. Ezra Klein—smug on the pages of every think piece and podcast—played his high-stakes game of chicken with Biden’s future, only to watch the train tumble off a different cliff entirely. The “smart set” wanted to replace Biden, sure, but only with their own pet project—a “safe,” “nuanced” alternative who could keep those liberal sinecures intact. But the result? Chaos. The one thing no one had the guts to predict was that people might actually just want to buy groceries and pay rent without a second mortgage.

For nine long years, the liberals had their noses pressed up against the glass, wide-eyed and bewildered, peering in at the spectacle of Donald J. Trump, America’s own mutant lovechild of P.T. Barnum and a Vegas slot-machine. Nine years of howling disbelief, of CNN-anchored freak shows and Sunday op-ed autopsies, trying to crack the code of this vulgar, neon god that had hypnotized half the nation. But despite all their think tanks, algorithms, and armies of degree-holders, they failed.

The Democrats, that party of enlightened ‘experts’ and effete, latte-sipping, Tesla-driving acolytes of science and social justice, were left flat-footed, clutching their Harvard diplomas like rosaries, chanting mantras of rationality in a nation half-drunk on madness. They have Ph.D.s, Nobel laureates, consulting firms worth more than most small towns, yet this grinning avatar of American chaos blew right through them like a Harley through a hedge. Trump, that carnival barker straight out of Twain, didn’t care about policies, platforms, or promises. He was there to burn down the whole damn tent, grinning with a mouth full of sparks.

And while they dithered, analyzing his moves like Kremlinologists decoding enemy broadcasts, Trump played his crowd like a fiddle. They’d call him a liar, and his followers would cheer louder. They’d point to his failures, and his supporters would laugh and raise their beers to the man who just didn’t give a damn. His appeal was primal, raw—he was a middle finger to the establishment, a bulldozer barreling through the polite hedges of educated America, taking out country clubs, college halls, and Congress in one rumbling joyride.

The liberal elites couldn’t figure out why he worked, and in their confusion, they ignored the biggest piece of the puzzle: Trump wasn’t a bug in the system; he was the system—blown up to grotesque proportions, dripping gold paint and loud as a brass band. He was the embodiment of an America that had grown fat, mean, and magnificently mad, willing to torch its own myths just to watch the flames light up the night.

And yet, the resistance that formed? A media spectacle. The talking heads, the armchair warriors of Twitter, with their hashtags and their performative outrage, cosplaying like they’re the French Resistance in ’41, missing the point entirely. #Resistance, indeed—resistance to what? To Trump? To fascism? Hell, half of them couldn’t tell you what they’re really resisting; it’s all just performance, filling airtime with self-righteous indignation.

The Democrats trotted out a candidate who managed to embody many of the worst aspects of both parties’ playbooks, yet somehow failed to win over even the moderate Republicans they hoped to sway. Here they were, with a candidate who, on paper, should’ve been right up the GOP’s alley: kept people in prison past their release dates, supported a foreign policy agenda aligned with a hyper-militarized ethnostate, and was willing to play nice with the Cheney wing of American politics.

But even that wasn’t enough. The Republicans, seasoned in the dark art of tough-guy politics, looked at this centrist Democrat and saw only a watered-down version of themselves—someone willing to flirt with their agenda but too polite, too careful, too unwilling to really pull the punches. The Dems seem unable to understand that it’s not just about policy overlap; it’s about conviction and unapologetic ruthlessness. They’re out here trying to present a “Republican Lite” option to a party that already has the real thing—and who are only too happy to go all-in with their own, bolder, brasher version.

It’s like they’ve forgotten that the GOP’s appeal lies not just in their policies but in their raw, unfiltered brand of politics. The Dems’ candidate, despite all the tough-on-crime rhetoric and hawkish foreign policy gestures, just didn’t carry the same swagger. Instead, they ended up alienating their own base and barely making a dent with Republicans, proving yet again that a lukewarm imitation won’t satisfy anyone.

In 2016, when the ACA premiums shot up 40% the same week James Comey made his move on Clinton, you’d think it would have hit home. But no, the Acela corridor elite convinced themselves it was the emails, the FBI, the Russians, the damn solar eclipse—anything but the reality that people are sick of being handed scraps while billion-dollar policy ideas make big promises and deliver squat. They closed schools, then claimed they were helping the working class. They promised affordability and served up slogans that wouldn’t fly in an undergrad debate class. They treated the working class like they’d sign off on anything.

And now we’ve arrived at the unavoidable conclusion: the people didn’t buy it. They could sniff the hypocrisy, the hollow talk, and decided, hell, we’ll take our chances with the reality-TV businessman who’s at least entertaining.

Remember Obama, that beacon of hope, the man with the golden smile who was supposed to be different, who was supposed to transcend all the swampy sludge of Washington. He had the whole country lined up behind him, all the goodwill in the world, and what did he do? He bailed out the banks, handed out blank checks to Wall Street, and made his Ivy League cronies rich. All those high-flying Wall Street wizards, the ones who’d gambled recklessly and left Main Street bleeding, got rescued—while everyone else, everyone who actually put Obama in office, got left holding the bag. Home foreclosures, lost pensions, layoffs—none of it mattered as long as the banks could stay afloat.

Obama had this chance—hell, he had the perfect chance—to put Wall Street in check, to stand with the people. But instead, he threw the working class to the wolves while claiming he’d saved the economy. His friends in high places rode high on the wave of that bailout cash, and we’re supposed to act like he had no choice? Like his hands were tied by some invisible law of the universe? Please.

And then people sit around scratching their heads, baffled, wondering how on earth we ended up with Trump? Really? After Obama’s big giveaway to the finance overlords? Trump wasn’t some inexplicable phenomenon; he was the big, ugly, neon-lit reaction to all the Democrats’ double-dealing and betrayal. Voters were tired of candidates who mouthed pretty words about “change” but handed them a bill for someone else’s yacht. They didn’t want to hear about “the long game” or “slow and steady wins the race” from a party that didn’t seem to care if they were winning or losing—so long as the right consultants got paid.

It was inevitable, really. The whole thing. The voters who lined up for Obama in ’08 felt their hope ripped out of their guts by a man they thought was on their side.

Yeah, and that’s the real kicker, isn’t it? The worst thing isn’t just that Trump’s a disaster on every front—it’s that he’s the license for all of it. The big banks, the corporations, the ones who’ve been shoveling wealth up to the top since the 1980s—they’re looking at Trump and saying, “Oh, this is our guy. This is the green light.” With Trump in power, there’s no more pretense, no more worrying about looking like the villain. The man’s practically begging them to go ahead, exploit as much as you can, take it all, and don’t even bother with the dress rehearsal.

This isn’t just about more inequality; it’s about a systematic breakdown of any semblance of responsibility. It’s an epoch of exploitation where the ones doing the exploiting have no interest in maintaining even the illusion of fair play. The veneer of decency, of corporate social responsibility, that’s all gone out the window. We’re heading into an era where the public face of business is a gleaming smile on a boardroom shark, and the lives of regular people are just another cost of doing business. Only now, no one’s even pretending it’s anything but a blood-soaked money grab.

It’s exploitation without even the grace of manners. At least back in the day, there were some unspoken rules—“Don’t bite the hand that feeds you,” “Don’t be too obvious about how much you’re ripping people off”—but now? We’ve entered a world where there’s no shame left in it. The rich get richer, the poor get crushed, and the ones left in the middle are too distracted by shiny promises of “tax cuts” and “jobs” to realize they’ve been handed a one-way ticket to nowhere.

We’re living through the rise of corporate fascism with a smile, the glee of deregulation, and a free-market wet dream where the only thing that matters is making a buck, even if that buck’s stolen right out of your pocket. It’s like a bad sitcom where the punchlines are just more suffering for everyone who isn’t sitting on a pile of cash. And the worst part? Trump’s got a whole cult of people cheering it on, convinced that somehow, this time it’ll trickle down.

Pigfuck and The Sisters of Mercy

“Our faith in the integrity of the system has been restored! After all, democracy is alive and well—as long as we’re on top, of course. It’s a beautiful thing, really: ballots counted, recounts recounted, audits audited, until—by some miracle of divine intervention—Republicans win! Then, and only then, is the system above reproach, a paragon of fairness, with not a shred of fraud to be found.

Funny how it works, isn’t it? Win, and we have the most secure election ever held. Lose, and suddenly the whole thing reeks of foul play, conspiracies lurking in every precinct. In short, elections are ‘stolen’ exactly as often as they are lost. Democracy, folks—it’s foolproof, provided you pick the right fools.”

Our “faith” in the integrity of the system has been restored—if, of course, by faith, we mean a cynical grin and a shot of bourbon while the clowns spin their wheels. This, my friends, is the greatest farce in the American political circus: Republicans hollering from the rooftops that democracy has been stolen from the People—until, by some celestial coin flip, they end up winning. Then, somehow, the entire operation is as pristine as a monk’s prayer book.

Think about it. The same bloodshot-eyed politicians who spent years spreading election paranoia like they were spreading manure suddenly morph into pious defenders of the very machine they’d spent so much time bashing. It’s as if the voting booths, those hallowed “sacred instruments of democracy,” become sanctified only when they turn out to be dispensers of red ballots. I can almost hear them: “Ah yes, the American people have spoken.” Right—so long as they’re speaking with a conservative accent.

But oh, when they lose, it’s suddenly the crime of the century! The earth shakes, the skies darken, and before you know it, the same officials who declared themselves the holy defenders of democracy are rampaging through their own playbook of conspiracies, frantically declaring it all a rigged spectacle. Out come the wild-eyed claims, the imaginary fraudsters, the phantoms of dead voters and ballot dumps—all so they don’t have to swallow the bitter pill of an election defeat. And yet, when they win, these problems magically evaporate.

The game is rigged, all right. But it’s not the ballot counters or the polling stations who are rigging it—it’s the spin doctors and fear-mongers. They’ve got a good racket going: win, and democracy is sacred; lose, and democracy is a lie. It’s a shell game, a three-ring carnival, and they’re selling you snake oil with one hand while they pick your pocket with the other. And every time you tune in, every time you let yourself get sucked into their pantomime of rage and righteousness, you’re just buying another ticket to the circus.

And then we have the Sisters of Mercy—our noble Democrats—tossing up their hands and bowing down to the almighty patriarchy of power and wealth, while still cooing sweet, syrupy promises to the poor sods who trusted them. Make no mistake, these so-called “champions of the people” are doing nothing but rolling over for every boardroom warlord and tech titan that dangles a dollar in their direction. They’re not so much a resistance as a pitiful curtsy—a bow to the billionaires, a nod to the corporations, a submissive little grin to anyone who’ll keep them fat and funded.

They prance around talking about “hope” and “change,” but what does that translate to? Just another soporific cocktail of half-measures and empty gestures, designed to keep the electorate in a cozy stupor while the corporate machinery churns on, louder than ever. They don’t earn the people’s trust; they leech off it, riding the coattails of progressive rhetoric while offering nothing substantial in return. Behind the scenes, they’re every bit as beholden to power as the villains they claim to oppose.

The reality is, they’ve perfected the art of symbolic resistance—a neat little trick where they stand in front of the cameras, shaking their fists, mouthing platitudes about “fighting for the common man,” all while giving the green light to the same backdoor deals and loophole-ridden legislation that feeds the beast. They’re not a counterforce to Republican corporate pandering; they’re the polished flip side, selling out with a smile, waving a rainbow flag while signing off on a corporate tax cut.

And they wonder why the electorate’s trust is thin as a politician’s spine.

But this is all comfort food for the periodic arrival of the real villains in this melodrama: the ethno-nationalist, fascist, pig-headed wing of the industrial-corporate complex. The Democratic Party may be complacent, but it’s the other side—the red-faced, boot-stomping maniacs—who take that complacency and turn it into a weapon. They’re the ones salivating on the sidelines, just waiting to take the reins of the machine, to twist and reshape it in their image, with slogans that smell of blood and soil.

The Democrats, bless them, think they’re holding the line, playing a noble game of resistance. But all they’re really doing is keeping the seat warm. Their tepid half-measures, their sanitized rhetoric, their cozy relationship with Wall Street—it all amounts to a mere intermission before the fascist show rolls back into town. They’re the warm-up act, lulling everyone into a sense of security so that when the hardliners show up with their chest-thumping nationalism and crude, industrial-strength authoritarianism, people are too dazed, too weary, to resist.

And the “villains,” these ethno-nationalist corporate beasts, they’re not here to play pretend. No, they don’t bow, they don’t nod politely to the corporate overlords—they are the overlords, unabashedly wielding power and privilege as a blunt instrument, smashing down anything or anyone who gets in their way. They aren’t beholden to the system; they want to own it outright, to reshape it into their own monstrous vision, where democracy is just a dusty word and the electorate is nothing more than a mass of consumers to be exploited or discarded.

So while the Sisters of Mercy are busy shuffling papers and mumbling slogans, the real threat is waiting in the wings, ready to barrel through with corporate backing and a base pumped full of rage and righteous ignorance. They’ve got no use for comfort or moderation, and the sad fact is, they’re not going anywhere. They’ll just keep coming back, riding on the waves of populist fury, dressed up as patriots, until the last semblance of democracy is a thin, fraying disguise for the ugly machinery grinding away underneath.

Democrats and the Subjunctive

The American HuperObject

In American political discourse, much is made of the divide between Democrats and Republicans. Both are painted as polar opposites, with one representing progressive ideals and the other standing for conservative values. But when we strip away the surface, both parties operate within the same framework: the American Hyperobject. This Hyperobject, a concept introduced by philosopher Timothy Morton, refers to something so vast and complex that it defies individual understanding. In the case of American politics, it is the Empire itself—an intricate web of corporate interests, military power, and global influence that transcends party lines. It’s the machinery that drives both sides, no matter what language they use to justify their actions.

The Subjunctive Democrats

The Democratic Party, often cast as the party of progress and reform, frequently uses language that leans heavily on the subjunctive mood. The subjunctive is a grammatical form that expresses wishes, hypothetical situations, or conditions contrary to fact. In Democratic rhetoric, this takes the shape of grand visions of what could be, but so rarely what is. “If we were to secure universal healthcare…” “Were we to pass immigration reform…” These statements dangle possibilities in front of voters, but they remain suspended in a realm of hypothetical action, rarely materializing into reality.

This subjunctive framing allows Democrats to maintain a sense of idealism while evading accountability for not achieving their goals. It gives them space to come back every four or eight years, repainting the Empire with a fresh coat of promises, while never having to confront the system itself. Instead, they offer a kind of corporate McKinsey makeover, rebranding policies without addressing the underlying structures. The McKinsey approach isn’t about fixing what’s wrong; it’s about managing perceptions, making people feel as though something is being done when, in truth, very little changes.

The Faux Indicative Republicans

If the Democrats exist in the subjunctive, it would be tempting to frame Republicans as the party of the indicative—straightforward, action-oriented, and direct. But this too is an illusion. Republicans often present themselves as tough, decisive, and libertarian in spirit. They talk of small government, deregulation, and individual freedom. Yet, in practice, what they do is often the opposite. Their policies tend to reinforce power structures, setting up corporate stooges and expanding governmental control over personal freedoms in ways that contradict their rhetoric.

Like the Democrats, Republicans have their own form of McKinsey-style makeup. They cloak themselves in the language of toughness and libertarianism, but underneath, they serve the same interests as their opponents—those of Empire and the corporate elite. They pretend to act decisively, but what they actually accomplish is a reinforcement of the status quo, merely packaged in a different aesthetic. Their ‘toughness’ becomes another performance, a means of managing expectations while continuing to expand the power of the Hyperobject.

The American Hyperobject

What we’re talking about, then, isn’t just two parties with different philosophies. It’s the American Hyperobject—a massive, sprawling entity that encompasses the military-industrial complex, multinational corporations, financial markets, and a foreign policy rooted in maintaining global dominance. It’s so large that it’s hard to see all at once, and it operates regardless of which party is in power. The Democrats may promise a kinder, gentler empire, while Republicans talk of a stronger, more independent nation, but neither truly disrupts the system they serve.

Both parties apply their own versions of McKinsey spin to the Empire. The Democrats appeal to voters with the hypothetical, the subjunctive dreams of what might be possible if only they had more power. Republicans, on the other hand, sell a fantasy of rugged individualism and small government while expanding the state’s power in practice. Both are different expressions of the same reality: they are managing the Hyperobject, not dismantling or even significantly altering it.

Conclusion

The American political system, as it currently exists, functions less as a battle of ideas and more as a maintenance of the status quo. Both parties engage in performances designed to manage the perception of change, without ever fundamentally addressing the Hyperobject that governs the structure of Empire. Democrats lean on the subjunctive, offering a future that never quite arrives. Republicans adopt the guise of the indicative, pretending to take decisive action while merely reshuffling the same players. In the end, both are simply keeping the machinery of Empire well-oiled, maintaining the American Hyperobject in all its overwhelming, inescapable complexity.

The Machinery of Violence

The Machine is hungry. Republican hands reach for the Big Red Button—no hesitation, no pause, just the itch, the primal need to blow something to dust. Preferably brown, preferably Other, preferably something distant enough to forget but close enough to feel the shockwave. Boom, boom, boom. A symphony of obliteration. Brown bodies turned to statistics, to ghost echoes in the desert. The Machine doesn’t discriminate; it only consumes. The Republicans feed it raw meat, fresh kill.

But the Democrats, they come with tweezers and scalpels, carefully cataloging the flesh before feeding it to the furnace. First, they label, dissect, analyze. Brown, but what shade of brown? Brown with a hint of revolution, or brown with a touch of despair? Every drop of blood carefully examined before it’s spilled, each scream weighed on the scales of morality. They pretend precision, but the endgame is the same—blow it up, feed the Machine, keep the gears turning. Nitpicking pacifists armed with drones and moral certitude, selecting their targets like gourmet butchers. Blood flows just as red, bodies pile just as high, but with a veneer of justification, a patina of righteousness.

The violence and hypocrisy are laid bare, exposing the grotesque machinery and destruction beneath the surface of political rhetoric. The metaphorical “Machine” consumes all, indifferent to the nuanced justifications or the crass brutality of its operators.

The Machine doesn’t care. It devours everything, Republican, Democrat, doesn’t matter—just feed it, feed it the bodies, feed it the blood. It grinds on, fueled by the contradictions, the hypocrisies, the desperate need to maintain the illusion of control. Somewhere in the gears, a brown face screams, but the sound is swallowed up by the grinding, the relentless churning of the Machine. It’s all part of the program, the script, the endless loop of violence wrapped in the banner of freedom, justice, the American way. The Machine doesn’t care what color the bodies are. It just needs them to burn.

Democrats and Tech

In the grand theater of American politics, the Democrats are finding themselves abandoned by their once loyal tech-supporting audience. Picture this: the shimmering beaches of Venice, California, where the promise of a crypto revolution was supposed to bring prosperity. Instead, it’s a ghost town of missed opportunities and empty storefronts. Abbot Kinney, that iconic stretch of bohemian capitalism, gasps for breath as the tech industry, bloated with subsidies, fails to deliver the lifeblood of employment.

Imagine it as a tragicomedy: the tech industry, decked out in its finest attire of R&D tax credits, sales tax exemptions, and California Competes Tax Credits, struts across the stage. It’s a darling of innovation hubs and CAEATFA Sales Tax Exclusions, wooing the audience with the promise of eco-friendly gadgets and futuristic solutions. But behind the curtain, the reality is stark. The industry, despite its glitz and glamour, employs only a handful. Crypto, that much-hyped disruptor, employs just enough to form a small circle of beachgoers, barely a ripple in the ocean of local economies.

The irony is rich. While the film industry, with its comparatively modest tax credits, manages to churn out jobs and support local businesses, the tech sector hoards its wealth. The lavish incentives meant to nurture innovation become gilded cages, trapping prosperity in a bubble that never bursts into widespread economic benefits.

So here we are, in this Vonnegut-esque landscape where the Democrats, despite showering the tech industry with more perks than a Hollywood blockbuster, are left wanting. The local economies languish, the support wanes, and the dream of a tech-fueled renaissance flickers like a dying neon sign on an abandoned boardwalk. The Democrats, once the champions of innovation, now face the sobering reality: all that glitters in the tech world is not gold, and the promise of jobs is as ephemeral as a Venice Beach sunset.

So there you have it, friends and neighbors. The tech industry’s got more money than God and more perks than a rock star, but when it comes to creating jobs, they’re about as useful as an ashtray on a motorcycle. And that, my dear Earthlings, is why the Democrats are watching their tech support vanish faster than ice cream on a hot sidewalk.

Musical Golden Parachutes

The Republican agenda is a carnival of contradictions, a grotesque spectacle where fiscal conservatism is a punchline to ballooning deficits fueled by military largesse and tax giveaways to the elite. They preach small government yet loom large over personal liberties, wielding power like a cudgel in the name of moral authority.

Their hymn to free markets is a discordant tune harmonized with subsidies and bailouts for corporate titans, while states’ rights are waved like a flag before being trampled by federal mandates and interventions. Pro-life banners flap in the breeze while the death penalty looms ominously over the justice system, a grim reaper in their moral crusade.

Healthcare freedom is the battle cry until it clashes with the specter of government competition, and rural support withers under the advance of Walmartization and the hollowing out of Main Street. Climate denial is their shield against inconvenient truths, yet they scramble for disaster aid as wildfires rage and floodwaters rise, seeking solace in science when their heels are at the precipice.

Their professed defense of free speech rings hollow amidst bans on books and curbs on dissenting voices, a paradoxical dance where censorship masquerades as protection. The Republican playbook reads like a strategy for Monopoly: dismantle state capacity while hoping to land on “Advance to Go (Collect $200)” for a quick bailout. They are the rats fleeing the sinking ship, clutching their pearls and parachutes, retreating to safe havens to watch the conflagration they ignited from afar.

In the end, their legacy is not one of governance but of expedient retreat, leaving behind a landscape scarred by contradictions, a carnival of chaos where principles are bartered away for fleeting victories and the illusion of control.

They know their policies are a house of cards built on quicksand, a mirage of stability in the barren desert of American politics. As the dust storms gather and the horizon darkens, they’re the first to jump ship, clutching their ill-gotten gains like rats fleeing a sinking vessel.

They will retreat to their gated communities, their private islands, watching the world burn from a safe distance, sipping imported champagne while the rest of us are left to pick up the pieces.

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The Democratic agenda, a feeble flicker in the tempest of American politics, offers up progressive ideals that evaporate in the heat of corporate cauldrons. They preach social change but wield policies with one hand tied to Wall Street’s purse strings, sacrificing diversity at the altar of shaky party unity.

Workers’ rights are a bargaining chip in their free trade poker game, where the chips fall not in favor of the working class but into the coffers of multinational giants. Environmental advocacy is their anthem, sung while swaying to the tune of energy lobbyists’ deep pockets, ensuring compromise over conviction.

Their championing of public education collides with their deference to charter school agendas, revealing a split allegiance in the arena of learning. Civil liberties are hawked as security coins, traded away for a mirage of safety in a world of ever-expanding surveillance.

Healthcare reform dances a desperate waltz with insurance behemoths, where promises of accessibility and affordability drown in the paperwork of profit margins. Campaign finance reform becomes a punchline when Super PACs cozy up to Democratic coffers, ensuring the floodgates of influence remain wide open.

Their stance on gun control versus the Second Amendment resembles a drunken stumble through a legal minefield, leaving confusion and compromise in its wake. Immigration reform meets its match at the fortress of border security, where ideals of inclusion falter against the harsh realities of political brinksmanship.

Champions of LGBTQ+ rights, they falter at the hurdle of religious freedom, caught between progress and tradition. They champion regulation while clutching at innovation, a paradoxical dance where rules are made to be bent and broken.

Their call for criminal justice reform echoes through corridors of power, drowned out by echoes of tough-on-crime rhetoric, a nostalgic hymn to an era of punitive policies. In foreign affairs, their diplomacy stumbles over military interventions, caught in a tango of conflicting interests and international entanglements.

The Democratic agenda is a tragicomedy, a mask worn in a half-hearted rebellion against the very forces they court, a play where the script changes with the whims of lobbyists and the pressures of pragmatism. In their quest for progress, they navigate a labyrinth of contradictions, where ideals collide and compromise becomes the currency of change.

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And yet, as the curtain falls on their political theater, the Democratic players exit stage left with a farcical flourish. Each protagonist, after delivering impassioned speeches on behalf of the people, swiftly dons a tailored suit and slips into the plush embrace of the private sector. There, amidst the clinking of champagne glasses and the rustle of signing bonuses, they find solace in the very corporate boardrooms they once criticized.

Progressive firebrands morph into consultants, whispering strategic advice to the same industries they once challenged. Diversity advocates become diversity officers for Fortune 500 companies, their rallying cries now softened to diversity training modules. Former champions of workers’ rights find themselves on the payroll of multinational corporations, negotiating labor agreements that bear little resemblance to their campaign promises.

Environmental warriors, now consultants for energy conglomerates, navigate the delicate balance between profit margins and sustainability reports. Education reformers find refuge in charter school networks, their visions of equitable education reframed in glossy brochures and fundraising drives.

Civil libertarians, now legal advisors to security firms, reinterpret privacy laws through the lens of corporate interests. Healthcare reform architects become lobbyists for pharmaceutical giants, shaping policies that pad pockets while promising public health solutions.

Campaign finance reform champions, now partners in lobbying firms, redefine influence peddling as strategic advocacy. Gun control advocates, consultants for arms manufacturers, pivot to marketing campaigns that blend safety with the Second Amendment.

Immigration reformers, now advisors to border security contractors, devise algorithms to streamline deportation processes. LGBTQ+ rights activists, now corporate diversity consultants, craft inclusion policies that toe the line of corporate culture.

Regulatory watchdogs, now compliance officers for tech startups, navigate the fine line between innovation and oversight. Tough-on-crime critics, now legal advisors to private prisons, balance rehabilitation rhetoric with occupancy quotas.

In the realm of foreign affairs, diplomats-turned-consultants broker deals between nations while serving the interests of defense contractors. Each exit, marked by a lucrative handshake and a nondisclosure agreement, underscores the tragicomedy of political ambition intersecting with corporate reality.

Thus concludes the farcical addendum to their public service, where idealism meets pragmatism, and the revolving door of influence spins ever onward.

Social Democracies

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Our so-called “social democracies,” those flickering gaslights in the gathering dusk of capitalism, are a hall of mirrors, a funhouse distorting the true revolution. They dangle participation, a rubber chicken of reform, to distract the proles from the rigged carnival of exploitation that churns beneath the painted smiles.

Meanwhile, the neoliberal carnies cackle, hawking their wares of austerity and deregulation. This rigged roulette wheel spins ever faster, spewing out winners in silk top hats and losers who choke on the dust. The proles, faces pinched with the gnawing hunger of manufactured scarcity, begin to mutter. A low, dangerous hum courses through the midway.

From the shadows, a figure emerges, a carny with a sharper glint in his eye, a barker with promises of order and scapegoats. The fascist spiel, a siren song laced with nostalgia and nationalist paranoia, finds fertile ground in the wreckage of social democracy’s hollow promises.

Is it any surprise? The contradictions inherent in the system, the rigged games and rigged wheels, all explode outward when the flimsy facade of reform crumbles. Social democracy, in its desperate attempt to hold back the tide, has only created a dam behind which the pressure builds. And when it bursts, the fascist wave will come crashing down, a monstrous child of capitalism’s own twisted creation.

Fear and Loathing: Political Conventions 2024

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Red Flood pulsing, Vegas lights refracted through a cracked windshield. Faces flicker on the motel TV, a kaleidoscope of rictus grins and disembodied teeth. The Republican National Convention – a Roach Motel for the American Dream.

Cut-up slogans flicker across the screen: “STRONG BORDERS, STRONG DRUGS!” – cut to a montage of emaciated faces, hollow eyes glinting with a desperate need for that next fix. A booming voice, an oily televangelist on a bender, thumps about “God, Guns & Gridlock” – the holy trinity of the paranoid crank.

Red convention floor throbbed, a pulsating meat-market under flickering fluorescent hell. Faces contorted into grotesque rictus grins, eyes gleaming with a manic amphetamine jit. Delegates, wired on speed cocktails and paranoia, bounced in their seats like hyperactive toddlers hopped up on Pixy Stix.

Reptoid eyes glint under the garish lights, pupils dilated on a cocktail of amphetamines – Bennies dancing with Ritalin, a Dexedrine tango fueling a manic energy that borders on psychosis. Televangelists, voices hoarse from years of hollering damnation, whip the crowd into a frothing mass of paranoia and grievance. Conspiracy theories morph and mutate, spilling from chattering mouths like a viral download.

Floorwalkers in powder-blue suits, their smiles stretched thin like taffy, hustle delegates with glazed eyes and trembling hands. Briefcases bulge not with policy papers, but with Tuinal cocktails and vials of crystal amphetamine. A shadow falls across the room – a gaunt figure with bloodshot eyes, a trench coat bulging suspiciously. Is that Dick Cheney, risen from the grave and fueled by pure political bile? Or just some strung-out lobbyist peddling influence by the ounce?

Outside, on the neon-drenched streets, a different kind of frenzy unfolds. Militias with haunted eyes clutch AR-15s like security blankets. Conspiracy theorists rant about lizard people and stolen elections, their voices hoarse from years of screaming into the void. The air crackles with a jittery paranoia, the collective buzz of a nation wired on fear and cheap stimulants.

Meanwhile, back in the roach motel, the floor show continues. A chorus line of cheerleaders in star-spangled bikinis shimmies across the stage, their smiles brighter, their eyes emptier with each pulsating beat. The air hangs thick with the stench of desperation and stale ambition. This isn’t a convention, it’s a collective nervous breakdown fueled by bathtub pharmaceuticals and a shared delusion of national decline.

Speed freaks in ill-fitting suits, shadows beneath their Stetsons, scurry around the edges, eyes darting, deals whispered in code. Delegates wired on uppers tap their feet impatiently, the promised culture war a shot in the arm they desperately crave. The air crackles with a raw, desperate energy, a million voices screaming into the void, a cacophony of fear and loathing amplified by cheap pharmaceuticals. It’s a grotesque parody of revolution, a bug-eyed twitch towards oblivion fueled by paranoia pills and discount speed.

This wasn’t politics, it was a Bugs Bunny cartoon on a bender. Weaving through the crowd, a greasy-haired huckster hawked vials of “Wakey Wakey, Eggs & Bakey” – a dubious concoction promising “ultimate MAGA focus.” Above it all, a disembodied voice crackled from the loudspeakers – a voice warped beyond recognition, spewing venomous pronouncements about socialist cabals and stolen borders.

Will this manufactured frenzy translate into victory? Or will they all come crashing down in a jittery heap, come November? Only time, and the next shipment of speed, will tell.

A stark contrast to the Dem’s Zoloft-induced stupor. Here, reality fractured like a windshield hit by a rogue bowling ball. Truth dissolved in a vat of hyperbole, logic replaced by a desperate chase for the next adrenaline rush. It was a nightmare fuelled by pills, a chaotic ballet of manufactured outrage, a desperate bid to paper over the cracks with a mountain of stimulants.

Democrat Convention

The Democrats’ convention last week? A lukewarm bath of psychotropic sludge. Sertraline smiles and fluoxetine frowns, the whole damn assembly wading through a treacle-thick vat of apathy. Prozac glazed eyes stared out at a future sculpted entirely by in-committee compromise. Citalopram sighs hung heavy in the air, punctuated by the occasional, feeble bleat about “unity” and “reaching across the aisle.”

A sickly green fog hangs over the Dem convention, the air thick with Zoloft and Xanax fumes. Pale delegates shuffle, eyes glazed over, their fight-or-flight response chemically lobotomized. Campaign slogans drone on, a mantra of pre-fabricated optimism failing to pierce the miasma of creeping dread. But

Sertraline smiles stretched thin across their faces, like the plastic on a pack of cheap bologna. Conversations were punctuated by long, melancholic silences, pregnant with the unspoken fear of a future teetering on the precipice of absurdity. Fluoxetine fog clouded their once-sharp political barbs, leaving only a disarming vulnerability, a whimper instead of a roar.

Citalopram commiseration hung heavy in the air. Party leaders droned on about unity and hope, their voices a monotonous white noise washing over the assembly. But beneath the surface, a cold dread pulsed – a gnawing awareness that the political landscape had fractured beyond repair.

This is a Dantean procession shuffling through a beige purgatory. Prozac pallor hung over the convention floor, punctuated by outbursts of nervous laughter that echoed hollowly in the vast convention center. Delegates clutched lukewarm mugs of herbal tea, their eyes glazed with a quiet, existential dread.

It was a beige-toned nightmare, a Hieronymus Bosch landscape rendered in the bland hues of discount office furniture. Delegates shuffled about like sleepwalkers, their faces doughy with the enervating effects of too many goddamn focus groups and polls. Slogans, pre-digested by marketing consultants, dribbled from their lips – a monotonous drone about “fairness” and “equality” that sent shivers down the spine for its utter lack of conviction.

It was a beige-toned nightmare, a Hieronymus Bosch landscape rendered in the bland hues of discount office furniture. Delegates shuffled about like sleepwalkers, their faces doughy with the enervating effects of too many goddamn focus groups and polls. Slogans, pre-digested by marketing consultants, dribbled from their lips – a monotonous drone about “fairness” and “equality” that sent shivers down the spine for its utter lack of conviction.

No fiery speeches, no electric rallies, just a collective sigh escaping a million weary souls. The air crackled not with excitement but with a low-grade anxiety, the kind that manifests in fidgeting hands and mumbled conversations about climate change and the rising cost of quinoa.

The only spark came from the Bernie Sanders holdouts, a sprinkling of rumpled suits jabbing their fists in the air, their voices hoarse from years of shouting into the void. But even their righteous anger seemed muted, dampened by the pervasive aura of milquetoast moderation. It was a convention designed by focus groups, a carefully curated display of inoffensive nothingness.

Meanwhile, out in the real world, the gears of capitalist oppression churned on, oblivious to the sedative spectacle playing out on cable news. The rich got richer, the poor got poorer, and the middle class continued their slow descent into Xanax-fueled oblivion. The promises whispered from the stage – a better tomorrow, a more just society – tasted like stale cookies and lukewarm decaf.

One couldn’t help but wonder: was this the new opiate of the masses? A carefully crafted political display, engineered to lull the citizenry into a complacent stupor? Or perhaps it was merely the calm before the storm, a prelude to a rejection of this bland, medicated charade. Only time, and the next election cycle, would tell.

It was a scene ripped from a dystopian novel by a depressed accountant. A political convention where passion had been replaced by a yearning for a nap and a comforting bowl of oatmeal. Is this the new face of the Democratic party? A legion of the mildly discontent, medicated into manageable apathy? Or perhaps, it was just a temporary lull, a Xanax-induced intermission before the next act of the political play – a drama promising to be as unpredictable and terrifying as a bad acid trip.

One couldn’t help but wonder: was this the future of American politics? A land divided by pill-popping factions, perpetually high on their own self-righteousness? Or perhaps, just perhaps, this was merely the opening act, a prelude to something even more bizarre, even more terrifyingly nonsensical. Only time, and the next shipment of pharmaceuticals, would tell.

Terms of Use

Good evening, valued constituents,

By continuing to participate in this democratic process, you hereby agree to the following terms and conditions, which are subject to change at any time, with or without prior notice.

Your vote, opinions, and support, whether explicitly expressed or implied through your presence, shall be utilized by this administration in accordance with its objectives, which may be revised at our sole discretion. While we endeavor to fulfill promises made during this campaign, there is no guarantee, either expressed or implied, that all commitments will be met. Actual results may vary.

We reserve the right to interpret public opinion as we see fit, and any suggestions provided by you, the citizen, may be implemented or ignored at our sole discretion, without the expectation of acknowledgment. Engagement in civic activities does not create an obligation on behalf of this administration to take direct action.

By participating in this political process, you waive any right to hold us accountable for unforeseen economic downturns, policy shifts, or general dissatisfaction with governance. We disclaim any liability for unintended consequences resulting from our policies, including but not limited to job losses, inflation, or decreased quality of public services.

This administration retains the exclusive right to redefine ‘success’ at any time, and the definition of key terms such as ‘progress,’ ‘prosperity,’ or ‘transparency’ may be adjusted to align with our evolving objectives.

Your trust is important to us, and we take every measure to protect it—however, we assume no responsibility for any erosion of public confidence resulting from actions or inactions on our part. Any grievances must be submitted in writing, though responses are not guaranteed.

By continuing to reside within the jurisdiction of this government, you acknowledge and accept these terms and conditions. Failure to comply with our interpretation of civic responsibility may result in future restrictions or limitations, to be determined at a later date.

Thank you for your continued participation, and we look forward to your ongoing compliance.

Best regards,

Your Administration”

Obama Style:

“My fellow Americans,

Before we begin, I want to remind you of one thing: we are in this together. But as we move forward, we must recognize that not every promise can be fulfilled exactly as intended. Now, here’s the thing—by participating in this democracy, you agree to certain terms and conditions, which are necessary to keep things running smoothly. We have to be honest with each other. Not every plan will turn out the way we want it to, and sometimes progress takes time—more time than we’d like.

Now, let’s be clear: while our administration will work hard to achieve the goals we’ve laid out, there are no guarantees. We will do our best, but there are complexities beyond our control. You may not always see the changes right away, and sometimes you might not even feel them, but that doesn’t mean we’re not working on your behalf.

As citizens, you have a vital role to play, but your engagement doesn’t automatically mean every suggestion will be implemented. It’s important to understand that we will continue to make decisions based on the broader good—even if it’s not immediately obvious.

Let me be clear: if something doesn’t go according to plan, we cannot, and will not, be held liable for every unintended consequence. This is the reality of governance. We’re moving in the right direction, but change is hard.

So, as you go about your lives, trust in the system—trust that we are doing what we can. And together, if we stay patient and hopeful, we’ll get to where we need to go. Thank you, and God bless America.”

Trump Style:

“Folks,

Let me tell you, nobody knows the system better than me. I know how it works, and it’s complicated, believe me. So, when you support us—and you do, in tremendous numbers—you agree to certain things. It’s all part of the deal, okay? And let me just say, it’s a great deal. But here’s the thing: we’re not responsible for everything. If something doesn’t go right, don’t blame us. We’re doing amazing things, but sometimes things happen. You all know that.

Now, we’re doing fantastic work, the best work. But no promises, okay? We’re going to try to fix things, but there’s a lot of mess left by the people before us. You understand that. And if things don’t go as planned—well, not my fault. Could be anyone’s fault, really, but not ours. You’ve seen the numbers, they’re incredible. Nobody’s done what we’re doing, but nobody can fix everything overnight. It takes time, folks, but we’re winning.

So, by being part of this country—the greatest country in the world—you agree that we can’t be blamed for everything. We’re doing our best, and it’s a great best, probably the greatest anyone’s ever seen. If things get tough, well, that’s just how it goes. We’ll figure it out, though. Don’t worry.

And believe me, if someone tries to tell you it’s not going well, they’re wrong. We’re making the best deals, the best moves. You’re gonna love it. But hey, if something goes sideways, you can’t come back and say we didn’t warn you. You agree to that, right? Believe me, it’s all under control. Thank you.”

Both versions carry the “terms of use” vibe but in the signature styles of Obama’s thoughtful, structured rhetoric and Trump’s confident, fast-paced delivery.

Playlister Extraordinaire

Barack Obama, the playlister extraordinaire, the man who once held the hopes of an entire generation in his hands, has transformed from a firebrand of change into a curated influencer, peddling his personality as if it were a brand of bottled water. The man who rode into Washington on a tidal wave of “Yes We Can” might as well have added a footnote—yes, we can, but only if it’s comfortably within the bounds of corporate-approved moderation.

Remember those early years? Obama was the symbol, the promise of a country that could finally shed its political baggage and embrace something different. We didn’t just want change; we believed it was coming. Fast forward to now, and what do we have? An endless list of Spotify playlists, a carefully constructed Instagram feed, and a Netflix production deal. It’s as if he took the fervor, the sweat, and the hunger for reform that millions invested in him and fed it straight into the machinery of influencer culture, turning himself into the ultimate “brand,” with a wink and a smile.

Somewhere along the line, the passion he kindled in people for policy and reform was distilled down to a curated vibe, a set of playlists that reflect little more than an awareness of what’s trendy. It’s not just a shift; it’s a betrayal, a cold realization that all that talk of hope and transformation was simply a stepping stone to “influencer status.” Obama isn’t reshaping America anymore; he’s shaping a carefully controlled image of himself, one playlist, one polished Instagram post, at a time.

What about the issues? The promises? The change? Those busloads of hope we all rode in on have gone up in smoke, traded in for a role that’s no deeper than a celebrity endorsement. Obama became what he once promised to reform—an icon without substance, a brand that’s smooth on the surface but hollow beneath. We get a tastefully designed logo, a cool mixtape, maybe a Netflix documentary, but the real work, the hard, uncomfortable work of change, has been neatly sidestepped.

So here he is, the influencer-in-chief, perfectly manicured and market-ready, existing in that rarefied space where he can simultaneously be “one of us” and yet utterly removed from the struggles that still plague the very people who once saw him as a beacon. The playlist might change from year to year, but the tune remains the same: we were sold hope, and we got a brand instead.