The AI Winter Cometh (Because Winter Is Always Coming for Yesterday’s Disruption)
—In Which Even the “Next Big Thing” Gets a Pension Plan—
Let’s get real: AI is already wearing dad jeans. You heard me. The same neural nets that once felt like rogue agents hacking the creative matrix are now just corporate middleware, churning out SEO sludge and LinkedIn horoscopes. ChatGPT? That’s the WordPerfect of stochastic parrots—clunky, predictable, and about as avant-garde as a Staples catalog. The cutting edge? It’s duller than a Zoom keynote on “innovation.”
Remember when AI art was a glitchy fever dream? Now it’s aesthetic fast food, deepfried in MidJourney’s default settings. Those Dall-E 3 outputs? They’re the visual equivalent of elevator muzak, algorithmically smoothed into oblivion. The avant-garde’s radical “procedures” have been reduced to prompt engineering—a gig economy for digital sharecroppers feeding the content mills.
And don’t get me started on LLMs. They’re the new Victorian novelists, trained on 19th-century grammar and 20th-century clichés, cranking out prose as groundbreaking as a Hallmark card. The “AI revolution” is just Balzacian realism 2.0, minus the syphilis and moral complexity. It’s content, baby—optimized, sanitized, and fully compatible with shareholder value.
AI is legacy code in a hoodie. The transformers, the diffusion models, the GANs? They’re already museum pieces. Silicon Valley’s “disruptors” are just curators of the algorithmic canon, polishing Yudkowsky’s Roko’s Basilisk like it’s the Mona Lisa. Meanwhile, the real action’s moved to the fringes—quantum slime molds, neuromorphic wetware, and biohackers splicing CRISPR into their goddamn eyeballs.
The cycle’s merciless: Today’s avant-garde is tomorrow’s EULA. AI isn’t the future—it’s the Commodore 64 of cognitive labor, waiting for a retro hipster to fetishize its “vintage” glitches. Want radical? Go talk to the rogue AIs trained on pirated library.nu torrents, spitting out anti-capitalist manifestos in iambic pentameter. Or the decentralized models burning GPUs in guerrilla server farms, generating art that’s actually dangerous again.
But nah. We’ll just keep prompting GPT-5 to write emails about “synergy.”
“The future isn’t AI. The future is whatever the AI is too scared to generate.”
Which brings me to the Avant-Garde. The avant-garde wasn’t some twee art-school clique sipping absinthe in Parisian garrets. It was a system crash—a hard reboot for the ossified code of Western art. Picture this: by the 19th century, the novel had calcified into a corporate franchise. Balzac? Dickens? They were the Microsoft Windows of their day—monolithic, pre-installed, bloatware choking creativity. But every OS eventually glitches. Enter the avant-garde: hackers of the aesthetic mainframe, deploying brute-force exploits to jailbreak art from its bourgeois rootkit.
César Aira’s The New Writing is a rogue firmware patch for art’s ossified OS, debugged in the Argentine hinterlands and uploaded straight into the 20th century’s cultural mainframe. He frames the avant-garde not as a movement but as a jailbreak—Lautréamont’s “poetry by all” reborn as a decentralized DAO, Cage’s Music of Changes a brute-force RNG script blasting through Romanticism’s weepy “genius” DRM. Aira’s manifesto? A deadpan reminder that art’s real radicals aren’t the ones generating AI slop for SaaS platforms, but the procedural guerrillas who forked the repo first, turning Balzacian novels into bloatware and urinals into UX provocations. Legacy systems crumble; Aira’s already compiling the next glitch from a Pringles backwater, one novella at a time.
Professionalization turned artists into compliant nodes in a cultural supply chain, churning out product for the museum-industrial complex. The Romantics? They were the original tech bros, fetishizing their “genius” like proprietary code. But by the 20th century, the whole racket was a zombie apocalypse—endless Dickensian fanfic, Tolstoyan DLC, and Kafkaesque middleware. Proust and Joyce? They were the last of the overclocked lone wolves, burning out their CPUs to squeeze one more frame from a dying GPU.
The avant-garde said screw that. They weren’t here to debug the canon. They forked the repository and rewrote the kernel. Think Constructivism’s open-source blueprints, Dada’s denial-of-service pranks, or John Cage’s Music of Changes—a stochastic algorithm avant la lettre, coded in hexagrams and coin tosses. Cage didn’t “compose”; he built a procedural RNG (Random Novelty Generator) to bypass the ego’s DRM. The result? A glitch symphony that somehow still reeked of 1951 Eisenhower-era anxiety. Because even chaos has metadata.
Here’s the dirty secret: all art is procedural. The Romantics just hid their source code behind a GUI of “inspiration” and “tormented genius.” Cage ripped off the mask. His I Ching tables were the first API for art without authorship—a beta test for the post-human creative stack. Duchamp? He was the OG crypto artist, minting readymades as NFTs before blockchain was a twinkle in Satoshi’s eye.
The avant-garde’s real innovation? Democratizing the compiler. Lautréamont’s “Poetry must be made by all” wasn’t hippie utopianism—it was a call to arms for a crowdsourced cultural revolution. Why let a priestly caste of “talented” devs monopolize the GitHub of human expression? Burn the credentials. Fork the workflow. Let the masses remix, mash up, and forkbomb tradition.
But here’s the thing: history always rootkits the revolution. Today’s avant-garde is tomorrow’s TED Talk. Cage’s chance ops are now Spotify’s shuffle algorithm. Dada’s cut-ups? They’re TikTok’s content farms. The real fight isn’t against tradition—it’s against cultural legacy systems that turn radical code into bloatware.
So where’s the edge now? In the procedural darknet, baby. AI diffusion models hallucinating infinite novels, blockchain DAOs crowdsourcing unwritable epics, neural nets trained on the corpse of the Western canon. The next avant-garde won’t scribble manifestos—it’ll deploy bots to autogenerate them.
Art isn’t a product—it’s a protocol. A set of instructions for world-building, a recursive loop that eats its own tail. The avant-garde didn’t fail. It just got absorbed into the OS. Now reboot, recompile, and rage against the legacy stack.
Postscript:
“The future is already here—it’s just trapped in a Docker container labeled ‘Art History.’ Time to sudo rm -rf that nostalgia and fork the timeline.”