Alright, buckle the f* up, because I’m Thucydides, an Athenian, and I decided to write down the complete and total fing sshow that was the war between the Peloponnesians and the Athenians. Why? Because the moment these dumbasses threw the first punch, I was dead certain this was gonna be the biggest fing war anyone had ever seen. And I wasn’t talking out of my ass—both sides were ready to go medieval on each other’s asses, gearing up like they were about to rip the world a new one. Every sword, every ship, every bloodthirsty bastard was locked, loaded, and ready to f s* up. And the rest of the Greek world? They were just sitting on the sidelines, cracking their knuckles, waiting to get in on the action.

But this wasn’t just a local brawl, no sir. This was an all-out fing global beatdown, pulling in every barbarian and power-hungry prick from here to the goddamn edge of the map. The biggest, dumbest, most epic clusterf in the history of mankind up to that point. And yeah, sure, the old history books are a little sketchy, but you can bet your ass there was nothing before this war that even came close to this kind of scale. Not in war, not in anything.

Now here’s the kicker—looking back, all I can say is: what the actual f? The sheer stupidity of this s blows my mind. We charged into this like we were writing some epic tale, but what we really did was set the stage for the most batshit insane, violent, soul-crushing failure of humanity you could ever dream up. We strutted into the abyss, thinking we were gods, only to get our asses handed to us on a flaming f***ing platter.

“The greatest fing movement in history”? Get the f out of here. This was a goddamn parade of dumbasses throwing themselves into the meat grinder, waving their swords around like it was going to end any other way. And for what? To blow s*** up, burn each other’s cities to the ground, and call it glory? Yeah, they went medieval on each other’s asses, alright—except no one came out on top. Just a bunch of motherfers making the same stupid mistakes over and over, while the world watched us self-destruct like it was the greatest fing show on earth.