Alright, listen up youse clowns. You think you’re sellin’ to customers? Bunch of feel-good fairytales. Customers are unicorns. They’re leprechauns! They’re the sugarplum dreams you had after scarfing down a box of Ding Dongs as a kid. You wanna close deals? You gotta forget this “customer” crap.

There’s buyers, that’s it. Guys with problems, needs. They got a headache, you got the aspirin. They need a roof over their damn heads, you got the damn shingle. Don’t get misty-eyed about some mythical “customer.”

Customers? They’re the guys who walk in here with smiles wider than a bucket of eels, talkin’ a big game about “needs” and “solutions.” They waste your time, string you along, then vanish faster than a cockroach with the light switched on.

See, “customer” is just a role some chumps play. It’s a performance, a way to feel good about themselves. But a buyer? A buyer’s scared, desperate, and ready to make a deal. You find those guys, you listen to their real problems, not their made-up fantasies, and then, bam! You close the deal.

A buyer, that’s a man on a mission. He ain’t got time for your fancy brochures or empty promises. He wants results. He wants answers. You give him that, you close the deal.

Buyers, they got problems. Concrete, itch-your-face kind of problems. They need somethin’ to plug that leak, fix that roof, keep their sorry businesses afloat. They might not be Mister Sunshine, but they got the dough in their pocket and a desperation in their eyes. That’s who you gotta talk to.

We deal in buyers, see? These ain’t choirboys lookin’ for a Sunday matinee. They got a problem, a hole that needs fillin’. You got the product, the goddamn adrenaline shot. Don’t waste their time with customer service crap – refunds, discounts, surveys about their “experience.”

You got five minutes to show them the damn watch, tell them why it’s the coolest damn timepiece this side of Butch Cassidy’s loot, and get them signin’ on the dotted line. This ain’t some kinda feel-good coffee klatch, fellas. This is a bloodbath of sales, and only the ruthless survive.

So ditch the customer service smiles and the phony rapport. We’re in the business of scalps, baby. Target those buyers, unleash the pitch with the fury of a samurai on a rampage, and walk away with enough loot to make even Mr. Pink jealous. Now get the hell outta here before I decide your leads are lookin’ a little dusty and need some, shall we say, “persuasion.”